Keeping secrets

Hate babies, don't read

I suck at keeping secrets. I always have and I imagine I always will. That's not really something you learn. And I have to think that given my 9-5, not keeping secrets well is probably a major bonus. I mean what if I kept all the news I knew to myself?? That's hardly the point.

So, it's no surprise to me or even the guy I married (even though he wishes I didn't have such a big mouth) that when this infertility junk started I kinda shouted it from the roof tops. (i.e. social networking sites galore).

I know everyone handles things differently so it's kinda unfair that I shared all this news without checking with the one other person on this planet it effects. But then again, my uterus, my choice.

And now let me tell you why my choice is totally right anyway.

I once went to an infertility support group where a lady was two days away from hoping on a plane to Oregon and being implanted with a fertilized egg from a donor. No one except her husband knew this fact. Not even her mother. (GASP! I know, mom right? How crazy is this!?!?)
She didn't want anyone to know she was using a donated egg so she just didn't want to get into any of the details.
I also just found out another close friend of mine didn't tell her mom about her infertility problems until all was said and done.
I get it. Not everyone is close with their mom (GASP! Again, I know mom, your worst nightmare, right??).

But this isn't about the fact that my mom and I are so close that she (not even MC) now knows what the inside of my uterus looks like (what can I say, sometimes you just need your mommy). It has to do with the fact that keeping these things a secret does a few things and none of them are good.

1. It further stereotypes infertility problems as being rare. Until this changes couples who face them will be ashamed. I hope not so ashamed that it ruins their marriage but ya know? Weirder things have happened. Infertility NEEDS to be talked about. The fact that our family doctor thought we could drop a swimmer sample some place we couldn't is effed. If we didn't have the self-confidence of a high school cheerleading team, the tone in the lab tech's voice saying "Um, we don't take those kind of samples here," could have lead us to throw up our hands of this whole baby thing all together.
The more infertility is talked about the more knowledgeable the world — including family docs and lab techs — will be. = peace and happiness for all.

2. It isolates you. Infertility and depression go hand and hand and just when I don't think I can take one more piece of bad news about operation babycas I'll post something on ye old facebook and get ten responses (including one from someone I'd least expect) that bring me to tears (in a good way) and totally turn my day around.
Because ya know what? Sometimes you just need to hear that people are routing for you.

3. As much as I heart MC with all my heart. We are just two people. We can't take on all the world's problems. Ya know the "it takes a village to raise a child" thingy — yeah, we'll in my case it takes a village to get me a baby.

Having said all of this I hope the people in our lives understand if we'd like to do dinner and pretend that we don't know what sexual position is best for conceiving with a tilted cervix or that there are discounts for buying more than one IUI at a time. Understand that sometimes we are writers and engineers at work just doing our job and we.don't.want.to.talk.about.it.
Not because we are keeping secrets, but because we are keeping sane.