MC and I have a full life. A VERY full life. But, maybe it's because we're married and all, I can't help but think something is missing.
And it hits me at the worst time and then MC gets phone calls like the one he got yesterday at 4:30 p.m.
Me (in tears): I swear to God it's not because I hate you or anything but if I have to walk (into the place I spend 9 to 5) and then send you an e-mail about - could you please de-rust the bathtub and I'll see you later tonight after the swim meet - I'm not going to make it. I really won't. I'll collapse at the boredom and the monotony of it all. I swear I'll break. I'll totally stab you in the middle of the night and run away to Mexico. I WILL.
Him: (Insert totally understanding and calming voice and the most intelligent thing you can say to your wife at this point. b/c he said all of that but I was crying to hard to hear him.)
A lot of the reason MC and I were so calm, cool and collected about returning to our home town and worrying about things like mowing our yard as opposed to touring amazing art museums around the globe is because we're family people. We want a family and this is the best place to have said family.
And well ya know just for laughs or the sake of irony (since we have HUGE families) or something a higher power has decided that the whole getting a family thing is gonna be a hell of a lot more complicated than originally planned.
Which kinda makes me (the realist or worst case scenario thinker - you decide) think it just might not happen for us.
And I can kind of accept that. Or, ya know someday, I will accept that. I didn't get married to have kids. I got married to spend the rest of my life with MC and that will happen. But I can not CAN NOT be the weirdo, small town, no kids (or worse get a dog and pretend it's a kid) couple. I CAN NOT. I will NOT be 35 and e-mailing MC about a rust stain in our bathtub, that can NOT be my life.
Luckily I've picked a life partner who gets that.
Him: This is just one chapter in our lives and it's not the last chapter.
Me: (still crying) So we can pack up and move and travel the globe and have an adventure? And not just wither away and die right here.
Him: Yes and no ... I think I answered that in the right order.
Me (Having decided not to drive my car into a tree): I love you
4 comments:
Em, I totally get how you feel. I hate living in Toledo, in the ghetto, 2 hours away from our friends and family. Sometimes I get so worked up about it that I feel like hitting something, hard. I also know that when Marc and I were trying for a baby it consumed most of my thoughts and energy. Hang in there, we love ya!
Little did I know, that you were having a bad day. We had such a good time at the swim meet! But I can remember feeling the same way when I ended up married, in my old home town. So far, so good though....and I've been married for 31 years. And BTW, I don't think my husband has EVER scrubbed a bath tub.
It's gonna happen, Em. I know it. Love you!!
childish childish girl. sounds like you're much too immature to think of having a baby. you have lots of growing up to do.
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