**Hate babies, don't read.
Something happened last week that has never happened in my entire life. I walked out of a doctor's office with a smile on my face.
Yes. It happened. I finally found a doctor who believes in operation babycas as much as MC and I do. And he's a State grad and not too bad lookin' if I do say so myself.
All of which makes what this guy will eventually know about me kinda .... wrong.
Most people get pregnant before they have the chance to ask their friends, their really good friends, what child birth is really like.
And before I get into what I learned about childbirth when it was not too late to turn back I'd like to say to babycas where ever you are, I knew all of what I'm about to share and yet I still pumped myself full of fertility inducing drugs that while, luckily, have not caused bathroom issues have caused adult onset acne like no other and a number of mysterious black hairs to grow in places, like my chin ... ewww gross. AND I can no longer really enjoy booze. It's the strangest thing, it just doesn't sound good to me ... so you're welcome. Go to your room and let me watch my shows.
Anyway, about those good friends who should lie to girls on fertility drugs. She didn't. I was prepared for the tales pain and even ...the stitches. Then, the real horror she said? The fluids, she continued, oh the fluids you will see, hear and smell, during the birth, and just for kicks, days after the birth.
Really? The fluids? Back up just a second to the solids because I think the part right before the fluids where you told me you pooped on the floor is the worst part because I just met a really nice doctor who looks pretty into keeping poop off his shoes.
** Also don't you just hate it when your fav blogger just kinda disappears ... for like two weeks. Me too. Bitch.
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5 comments:
Really? The fluids? I did it twice and fluids never even registered for me. And p.s., if there's no mirror at the end of the delivery table you'll never even know what came out, except the crying critter they hand you when it's all over and cleaned up.
Hi Emily -- The best part about not reading your blog for a while is that when I finally do, I get a whole buncy of pleasure all at one time...I'm so rooting for you and MC through all the ups and downs of project baby cas -- And I can tell just from reading you that you two are going to be fabulous parents!
Finally!! I check this thing every day and NOTHING. I was afraid to say anything because this whole Baby Cas thing has, well, played with your emotions?? I've been through childbirth 4 times. Fluids were never an issue. And of course I chose no mirror and no glasses. Blind is beautiful. Also -- doesn't hurt to have hubby focused on your face. Only your face. Your Miracle will look best when he is COMPLETELY out!!
Yeah fluids weren't an issue for me either and I'm pretty sure I didn't poop. (But I had an epidural so don't hold me to that.) Anyway, those labor & delivery nurses and doctors have seen everything, so they don't even blink when shit (literally) hits the floor. Yay for Operation Baby Cas!
I am also experiencing this phenomenon. Tell someone you're trying to have a baby and everyone's got a story for you. And it's usually gross.
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